i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
vagina is talking i cant
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
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