my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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