I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
