It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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