i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
It's like God shit irony all over that family
she smelled like a LAN party
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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