this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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