Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
