dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
