508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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