Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
