It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
