my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
