This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
