I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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