I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
