shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
worst night to have a conscience
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
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