I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Everyone says I win the strip club
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
