Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
