I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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