Non-Jews are for practice
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
