I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
