I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I want to be your penis for a week.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
