I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
