I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
