I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
