u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
