Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
