I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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