remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
