I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
