Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize