dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
