I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
high people should be assigned attendants
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
