So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
