i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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