i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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