things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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