just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Come share oat with me in your robe
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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