I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Randomize
