i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
