I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
