I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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