What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Randomize