Hey man sorry I got all grabby
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
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