Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
