Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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