Pants 0. Shit 1.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Randomize
