smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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