Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
