i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
