haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
