I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
