Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Still dying that you shit outside
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
