Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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