he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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