i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
