She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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