You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
