Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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