I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
