We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
my poor anus
Holy shit dude........stairs
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
