Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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