1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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