after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
