Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize