woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
